In this episode, we continue our conversation with Karen, Wendy, Cindy and Dawn together and hear more from the group about secrecy and its long-lasting impact.
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Update on the DNA Test: I’m Done Being Knocked Down
I got this text today from Angela. (The person who DNA tested for me that I hope is my cousin.) As you can see, DNA results can come in at literally any second
now. I am a mix of excited and apprehensive. In my experience as an adoptee, this moment in time where you are waiting on a DNA result is so unique. In
one sense, I love this moment because hope is alive. Never do I have as much hope as when I’m waiting for those results. When results come back as not a match as has happened to me numerous times, I
do get the feeling for a while that hope is dashed on the rocks into a million
pieces. It’s that, “oh my God, we are back to square one…” sinking feeling. In my experience when that happens, hope is slowly regained through the
encouragement of others.
I am in a really good headspace right now regarding the
results. I can’t say that things have always been that way. There have been
times I have hoped against hope and known that if it wasn’t a match I was going
to be rather emotional about it for a while. I am not sure why, but I am not
feeling that this time. Perhaps it’s because I’ve gone through this so many
times. Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten stronger emotionally. This isn’t to say
that it isn’t excruciating mentally or that adoptees shouldn’t take it hard when that happens. I
realize this is totally subjective as well. People handle things differently.
I’ve developed even more of the attitude that relinquishment,
adoption, sealed records, secondary rejection, failed reunion, and everything
surrounding it has already taken so much from my life and I don’t want it to
take any more from me.
I want this to be a match more than I could ever
express. But if it’s not, it will not slay me. I’m done with being knocked down
and I am going to win. I don’t know exactly when I will win, but I know I will.
Why I Struggle With This Time of Year More Than Any Other as An Adoptee (And Who God Sent to Help Me With That!)
Last week I received a Facebook friend request from a lady
named Linda. I was so excited. She is Kenny’s wife! (If you have no idea who Kenny is, you need to read my last post.) Kenny is not connected on social media, but Linda is. And she’s just the sweetest. Here is part of her first communication to me
on a Facebook message:
Hey Deanna! It’s wonderful to hear from you. Kenny and I feel
like you’ve become family. Kenny has
been checking with people in the family and people that might have graduated
with your Momma. We haven’t heard anything that would help you yet. But as you know, God is great every day! I am
praying for you that God will lead you to some answers and peace of mind in
knowing about your Daddy and other family. That would be a blessing for you. I
hope Kenny and I can meet you one day. I hope you and your family have a very
blessed Christmas.
This is the first of many messages with Linda and I am beyond
grateful for this couple. For all the frustration I have in dealing with a few idiots people with my search, I am reminded through people like Kenny and Linda that there are
people who are willing to help a person who was once a stranger. There are people
with heart, who do the extra mile without being asked. (I initially asked Kenny
to help but now he and Linda do a lot of searching and talking to people without
me even having to ask. They really care.)
It was a joy to mail Kenny and Linda a Christmas present yesterday and thank them for their kindness.
I realized a few days ago that it seems like the Christmas season is always the worst time I struggle with the issue of not knowing my natural father. Every holiday season my friend Gayle and I talk about it more than any other time. I drill down in working on the search during the month of December more than any other time even though it’s a crazy busy month! I was ruminating on that this past week and tried to figure out what it is about Christmas that compels me to do this.
I suddenly realized, it has nothing to do with Christmas.
It’s the fact that another year is almost over, and I don’t know who he is yet. And if he’s not dead, time is running out.
Ep 20. Defying Norms: A Heartfelt Tale of Late-in-Life Adoption with Mark Seastrand
Dive into an extraordinary episode as we explore the remarkable journey of Mark Seastrand, who defied societal norms by embracing adoption at a later stage in life. Join us in this heartwarming conversation as Mark shares his unique experience of creating a loving household through late-age adoption, breaking down taboos surrounding adoption at different life stages.Discover the challenges, triumphs, and profound moments that shaped Mark’s path to becoming a loving father. In this insightful episode, we discuss the transformative power of late-age adoption and challenge conventional perspectives on family-building. Mark Seastrand’s inspiring story sheds light on the possibilities and joys that come with embracing unconventional paths to parenthood. Tune in for an uplifting narrative that transcends boundaries and encourages a more inclusive dialogue on adoption.