Join Amy and Anna in this heartfelt episode of ‘Stories of Adoption’ as they share their extraordinary journey from Green Bay, Wisconsin, to the unexpected joys and challenges of open adoption. From navigating the complexities of biracial and bilingual dynamics to the miracles that unfolded, this episode explores the power of love, faith, and resilience. Listen in for a touching narrative that transcends borders, embracing the beauty of diverse family connections. Discover the strength of open hearts, triumphs, and the lasting impact of a bond forged through the unique tapestry of adoption. Tune in now for an inspiring tale of acceptance and the unwavering love that transcends biological ties. #AdoptionStories #FamilyLove #OpenAdoption
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Adopted and Searching: Today I’m Venting
I’ve got to get this
off my chest, so here goes.
Usually I do not use
this blog to vent, but to share my journey, educate, and open people’s minds to
another way of understanding life adopted. But today, I’m ready to rant.
So this week I met a
man. His name is Kenny. He’s the nicest man in the world. I’ll take it further –
he’s not just nice, he’s amazing. When I take my next trip to Virginia, I’ll be
stopping off to have coffee with Kenny, for sure.
It’s amazing how in just a week’s time
you can connect on a deep level with someone. I’m part of a Facebook group that is made up of people from my natural mother’s hometown. I joined in hopes that someone there would know something and help me. These people have been so kind and generous to me, trying to do anything it takes to help me with my search. It was recommended by some of them that I talk to Kenny. His family lived only a few doors down from my natural mom’s family and they are very well known in town. Not only that but his 94 year old mom is still alive and has a mind as sharp as a tack.
Kenny doesn’t
have a Facebook page, and he doesn’t even text! He’s one of those rare people
in the world unconnected to social media of any kind. But, when I called he
already knew who I was, because so many people on the Facebook page had told him my
story.
Kenny immediately
welcomed me into his life and his heart and wanted to help me. He wants so
badly for me to find my natural father. He wants to do anything it takes to
make that happen. So far on his own suggestion he has not called but driven to
and stopped by several people’s homes to talk to them about the situation…people
he feels certain know something. On Thursday night he actually went to the nursing home to talk to his mom about my situation. He implored her, “Mom, keep thinking about this. If you remember anything, no matter how small…please let me know so we can help Deanna.”
“You deserve a Christmas miracle,” he says. “You deserve to
find your Daddy…” he says. “I know if this was my Daddy, I’d want to find him.
Who can’t understand that?” he says.
By now you are wondering what in the heck I am here to vent
about. Here goes…
On my journey I have met several people
who have been willing to help me at this level and in some cases beyond. Many
people I have cold-called have actually taken DNA tests for me. They have immediately opened their hearts and their homes to me. Numerous people
took my cold call, talked to me for weeks or months, and after meeting me said,
“Oh my God! I hope you’re my sister!” or “I’m hanging on waiting for the DNA results hoping you’re my cousin!” or “We’re already planning a family reunion to
introduce you!” I’ve been through this again and again…with people who just
days or weeks ago were STRANGERS and are now among my cadre of friends!
What I’m venting about is that the people who DON’T have the information are most often
the most amazing, loving, nicest people in the world. And the people that DO
have the information? I can’t even say here what they are without losing my
ministerial credentials!!! I can’t even describe them without God Almighty
telling me to watch my language!!!
The people who DO have the information can be the nastiest people
on the planet.
WHY? WHY? WHY?
One of the people in my natural (maternal) family who I am sure knows more than they are telling is always posting stuff on social media about kindness. Stuff like this:
I wish they would stop posting stuff they really don’t believe or practice. They aren’t kind. If they withhold information about who and where people come from they are NOT KIND. They are not nice.
Truthfully it’s starting to concern me a little bit that if my
natural father’s family already knows about me, they may be included among the mean people who hoard information and don’t want to know their own flesh and blood.
Why are some people WITH information so mean? Why do they feel it is their right to withhold information from people who by all human rights should know where they come from?
If you are reading this and you are holding information from anyone whose pain could be taken away by you sharing it, can I implore you to please give up your mean card and tell them what they need to know? What they deserve to know?
Kenny brought me to tears on Thursday. I was leaving work when
he called. He had a phone number of somebody he felt it would be helpful for me
to call. I let him know I was driving home from work and asked if he could text
me the number. “Remember, I don’t text,” he said. Can you get a pen and pull
over?” I promptly pulled over into a church parking lot nearby…the “Church at
the Mall” in Lakeland, Florida. Sitting there I took down the name and number
of the person he wanted me to call that night. A few minutes later after I wrote down the information and was still talking to him, I pulled
back out of the parking lot onto Memorial Boulevard and he said, “Deanna, when
all this is over, will you call me sometimes, just to let me know you’re okay?”
[Insert tears here.]
Mr. Spin and the Search for my Biological Father
I haven’t written here in a while. There wasn’t a lot to
report on my bio father search for a long span of time, and I wasn’t up to writing anything
about adoption. When reading some other adoptee writers, I discover that many
of them take hiatuses from time to time for their well being. I totally understand and have been at this place for a while now.There has been some progress on the search for my bio father. It is necessary for me to be careful how I write about it, as part of it is someone else’s story to tell,
someone I have grown to care about very much. She is another adoptee who is also part of my maternal family. We are first cousins and we connected because we were a DNA
match. (Thank God for DNA testing!) We have been in contact for a few years now, but this coming month we will meet in person for the first time. I am so excited! I am not sure if she will be comfortable with me using her real name, so for now, here on the blog I’ll call her Meg. Although Meg is part of my maternal family, her birth situation gives clues as to possible whereabouts of my bio mother and bio father in 1965, and friendships,
connections, etc. that may identify who my bio father is. We have been pursuing
those leads. The clues have brought us to a man I have been trying
to reach who we believe may be my father…There is a lot of circumstantial evidence pointing to him. But then again, we have been at this place before with circumstantial evidence. Nothing is definite until it’s DNA tested. I have been trying to reach him for a few months now, and he answered the phone last
night and we talked. He says he did not know my mother. I don’t know whether I
believe him. We had an hour-long conversation that just went round and round. He
is in his mid-eighties, highly educated and well spoken. When I asked
questions, he would often spin off into another topic. (Therefore, my nickname for him on the blog hereafter — Mr. Spin.) I tried to keep
the conversation on task but he would quickly spin off into a what sounded like a
history lesson on the Greeks and the Turks. I already knew everything he
shared about the Greeks and Turks. A few years ago when I was studying for my masters, there was an
assignment that we were given where we could choose certain people groups to
study. I chose the Turks being that I know I have Turkish DNA. I often select
things to study that help me greater understand my roots. Since there is so
much I don’t know about my roots, I grab knowledge wherever I can.He also did several spin offs after my questions, talking about his Greek Orthodox church. He doesn’t even know I go to church much less serve as a ministry leader, so this was interesting. He spoke several times about various individuals in his church being adopted… “There’s this fellow at my church who is adopted…maybe you could talk to him..” I wasn’t sure what this had to do with my search. My thoughts kept fluctuating from, “Are you trying to deflect my question?” to “Do you have the beginnings of dementia?” Mr. Spin also has an adopted daughter and midway
through the conversation he remarked, “I have an adopted daughter and being adopted
doesn’t seem to bother her at all.” Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. A million sighs. A plethora of adoptive parents seem to go to the same school and read the same script. I didn’t talk about being adopted other than once to reference that
I am. I never said I mind being adopted. I never said I don’t mind being adopted. I just said that I’m
searching for my biological father.Why does everything have to circle back to whether an adoptee is happy about adoption? It is like their go-to touchstone every time an adoptee has questions. Me: I want to know who my biological father is. Adoptive parents of the world: Why? Do you not love adoption? It gets exhausting. He said I could call again sometime if I have any other questions.I asked everything I could think of that would help drill down on things, so I’m not sure what to ask next. I did however want to say: “Have you ever watched the show This is Us? I really recommend it.” Today I’m feeling a little wiped out after last night’s conversation. I feel like I just got thrown off a verbal merry-go-round. I’m going to sit on the couch with my dog Manny and finish writing
my research paper that is due, finishing out this semester. (I have one more
year until I graduate with my doctorate – April 29, 2022 to be exact!!) School work among other thing help me to keep moving forward with other areas of my life even when this
feels like it’s at a hopeless standstill. I know it’s not hopeless. That is a lie I am
sometimes tempted to believe, but ultimately refuse to accept. I realize God is working
behind the scenes even when I don’t realize it. My hope is that if Mr. Spin is my biological father, he will
keep thinking about our conversation and will not be able to let it go. I pray it keeps him up at night. I pray if it’s him, he does the right thing in the end. In the meantime, I will keep writing papers, doing my job, loving my family, and getting all the joy out of life that I possibly can. I know that if Mr. Spin is my biological father and he ultimately rejects me, it does not define me.
Ep 8. Finding a New Path: Brittany Brown’s Adoption Story
Join us in this touching episode, “Finding a New Path: Brittany Brown’s Adoption Story,” as we delve into Brittany’s remarkable journey. Despite her challenging experiences with pregnancy, Brittany’s deep yearning to become a mother persisted. Discover how an unexpected opportunity arose when a fellow church member expressed the desire to give her child up for adoption. Through this heartwarming tale, witness how bonds were formed between two families, ultimately uniting them through love, compassion, and the shared joy of motherhood.